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Unintentional Survivor

Are You Overwhelmed?

For so long individuals attempt to survive so many past memories and experiences they never wanted to encounter. But you never really forget? 

Anxiety, Depression, Abuse, Homelessness, Verbal Assault, Battery, words that are so emotionally weighted by the experiences we had or are still overcoming. Almost everyone reading this can think of a moment in their life that one of those words made you feel normal. 

How to Become an Unintentional Survivor...

Normal because you too were feeling and experiencing things that fit in those categories of emotional weight, (or maybe I am the only one... and even that is a category of emotional weight). Ok so I survived all of those categories and more! Woo Hoo! Right?! Wrong!... 

Now that you survived it, it is time to live through it! ... so many strive for survival after traumatizing experiences but what happens when you finally are living through trauma.  I started feeling again, I could even smell the air (have you ever been so anxious that your senses stop working, maybe its just me...) and I was like, "Ok, world! I got this!" 

A survivor to live again, and start setting future goals is more than an accomplishment it is an uphill battle. Depression and anxiety take over your mind when you are setting your goals, "what are you doing? why would you set goals for another let down?  you are barely hanging on after your last (fill in the blank: relationship, job, pregnancy, etc), why would you try again? Just survive and be happy!" But I want to live, and with that comes goal setting and hope not just overcoming a past but building a future of new memories and choices with accomplishments and positive outcomes (sounds like an unrealistic disney movie). I sound crazy to my self! 

A Goal? Like what?! you stayed alive be happy with that, 

Ownership? Like what?! you're not in street anymore be happy with that, 

Run a Business? Yeah Right?! you barely managed your life. 

Everyone eventually hates you, they don't understand you, they know your past hurt, they will never take you serious, you will fail... Being a survivor doesn't mean your thoughts don't come back to torment you, being a survivor means you recognize when those thoughts come, and convince yourself they are lies!

That sounds so easy these thoughts seem so real! 

I am worthless, I ruin everything I touch, I can't do this, no one will love me, I cannot love myself! 

It is a journey everyday that is why I am living and not surviving. Each moment I fail, each business I need funded, each person that I have hope in, is me living. I have to decide to trust that I am purposed to be here.

Trust what? and why? It is easier to give up. But, I cannot give up, I am in too deep, I am incorporated, I am a parent, I am a child of God, everyone has these labels but I am human. 

I hurt. I cry. I struggle. I stress. I sit in deep sadness. But, can you get yourself out when you slip away?

Survivors have these same doubts and thoughts but we live when we rescue our minds from slipping away in those moments. Not days, but moments. Trauma experiences hit you like a wave of emotion and memories you thought you forgot. When you remember them, remind your self you survived so that you can live! 

Set your goal today! Even if it is to wash your hair today, apply for 1 job (you might talk your self out of the interview but be proud you applied and go for it!), one thing you can do: I can wash this load of clothes today, I can shave today, I can make my bed today and sit in the living room, I can think about 1 goal.... just 1 simple goal, nothing overwhelming. and live to accomplish it. 

-Unintentional Survivor


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