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Unintentional Survivor

Are You Overwhelmed? For so long individuals attempt to survive so many past memories and experiences they never wanted to encounter. But you never really forget?  Anxiety, Depression, Abuse, Homelessness, Verbal Assault, Battery, words that are so emotionally weighted by the experiences we had or are still overcoming. Almost everyone reading this can think of a moment in their life that one of those words made you feel normal.  How to Become an Unintentional Survivor... Normal because you too were feeling and experiencing things that fit in those categories of emotional weight, (or maybe I am the only one... and even that is a category of emotional weight). Ok so I survived all of those categories and more! Woo Hoo! Right?! Wrong!...  Now that you survived it, it is time to live through it! ... so many strive for survival after traumatizing experiences but what happens when you finally are living through trauma.  I started feeling again, I could even smell the air (have you ever been
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The Emotion of Success

The shear emotion of driving away is enough to devastate a month of achievements.  Social media glamorizes the hard work and tears of entrepreneurs but what's the real deal? An inside look to the emotion behind the posts. A mother, a mentor, a business owner, a teacher, a head of household, a community leader.... a ... everything! AAAARRRGggghhhhh titles! That's how I feel when people introduce me, I hate titles but they are so necessary for your credibility. Why? Hate titles? people go to school to be titled a Doctor, a Master of content, a Lawyer, people take tests to be labeled a Specialist... I did. So why do I hate titles so much? Here's the Truth... A leader has moments of weaknesses when all their "hats" of responsibility in the professional world are off, a leader is still a leader and wants to lead their family with just as much fidelity as it took to earn those titles.  The guilt of not being able to cook dinner because th
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The Purge

Imagine 1 night a year where you get to purge all your feelings to the person(s) that have wronged you, no matter title of significance. Some may find it hard to believe but not everyone may have kind words to describe their family experiences. And some may find it even harder to believe that you may not have a relationship with a parent you have been longing for, due to whatever strongholds they're battling, but you still reverence their authority or title as "parent"; "mother"; "father"... Imagine a night to purge the feelings you have held back due to a title of relationship in your life.  I asked a friend this question, their response was "that would be awesome!" but, would it be? What would be your expectation of reaction in an emotional purge? Would you expect someone you told all your hurt too to sympathize, empathize with your hurt and be remorseful for the hurt they have caused? I mean, I would! Why not?! I told [in
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Anchored Heart

An Anchored Heart will make you love even when you can't love yourself. An Anchored Heart will make you not love yourself because you love. An Anchored Heart will not let you believe you can be loved and allow you to love the unlovable even when it jeopardizes your life. Love when you can't love yourself. As a mother of two, a single mother, with active fathers for my children, one more than the other, but single woman with two kids.  There were plenty of times that I felt like  Lord, I can't today ...  Am I Insane?  Some who do not understand would ask "you can't what today?..." But, others who  Love when you can't love yourself  know that when there is an entire other life span depending on you to keep it together, set an example of self worth, set an example of goal setting, and set an example of faith sometimes you feel like you have fallen short. You fall short because in that moment it is hard to love yourself through the trials of
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Martyred Matrimony

Supportive woman equals a family backbone.   How do you learn to support when you've done it alone. A single woman doing it alone, a mother not referring to the weekend you babysat and I packed a weekend bag because his home is not where you live. Alone. Referencing the days you drink an extra coffee because you chose to protect your peace... Of mind... Peace in your home.    You went from a supporter to defensive protector of your young. Is it wrong to forgive a disfigured memory of a loss greater than financial decrease or the loss of a lease.  How to support the loss of peace, with a sprinkle of unwarrented distrust.  Is it wrong to love what the world would call unforgiveable.  "You deserve the pain, and the drought after trying again... And again..." I hate feeling unconditional love.  It scares me the way I want to support you.  It ddissapoints me the infinite ways I forgive with an intent to remember but my love makes me want to fo
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The Walking Dead

Spiritual death supplies empty substance used to power empty actions that fulfill an unwanted life.   You can hurt someone so bad that your words literally have no meaning, and your promises are cold empty monochromatic symbols. Looking through rose colored glasses with a monochromatic soul clouds visions of hope. The world sees a smile while I swallow sorrowful cries to survive.  Are you walking to be alive? Have a life? Or just survive? Walking Dead to Live.   The world sees it as responsiblity because you live without thriving. Goals slowly dying hiding behind smiles and grinding.  Is grinding a goal? Walking through life with dead dreams.   Resuscitate a heart that's been abused get it ready to be used.  Revive your sipirt to thrive not survive. PALM.  (pause and let that marinate). Walking dead through the pain. Setting goals I will obtain. Walking dead through the lies.  Tranparently changing lives. Walking dead through the pride. M
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A Chance to Perfect Imperfection

People can say they sympathize and understand...  The lowered eyes and weightless shoulders are all physical signs of sympathy and they comfort with the momentum of a conversation.  The sympathy lasts until the final tissue and deep breathe is taken, but then what? What happens when you wash your face? Because I wash my face do I deserve any less sympathy from the next? Does the hurt, hurt less? Does that make me stronger, and able to handle more adversity? No! Damnit, No! That's why I am writing this to finally have a chance at imperfection .  PALM. I went to college, perfect.  I became an honorable mother, perfect. I defied the odds against me, perfect.  I had steadfast faith, perfect. How? you ask ... simple! I WAS NOT PERFECT! And, surprise!.. I will Never be perfect. Is that a surprise to you? Well it is to me! The inner me, of course; where all the facts, and sensibility, meet the wisdom of my faith.  The inner me wanted to be perfect, the inner me kept striving f
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